An Unpopular opinion on Love..
I have two striking questions- What is Love? and Is Love scary? Well, I will not define love for you because it is very subjective and genuinely varies from one to another. My definition says umm.. It is nothing more than a strong affection, an affection which helps you grow as an individual, which lets you embrace yourself first, which uplifts you, acts as a shelter, a comfort zone, where in validations to your actions don't chain you down. It builds upon an immense care, responsibility and respect. But to answer if Love is scary? This got me into thinking and may be I am trying to express.
The 2k22 we live in includes a pool of people who are confused when it comes to dealing with their emotions. If you ask a many people around, the youth, the common answer you will hear is — “Love is Scary”, “I am not made for Love but casual relationships”, “Detachments hurt”, “Love is stupid”, “oh it is not my cup of tea” etc.
But if you look in a microscopic level, I don't think we all are addressing it right. Love as an emotion is free, light and very frolic. If it is not important then I wonder why the classic poems on love were ever written by the very famous poets for eg. “Love’s Philosophy,” by Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792–1822) , “A Red, Red Rose,” by Robert Burns (1759–1796), “How Do I Love Thee,” by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806–1861) etc.
People who have just embraced the idea of being in love or been misguided with a very limited exposure to the same emotion through out, misuses it according to their whims and convenience. All this while, they have adulterated it, built wrong approaches and imposed on their counter parts too. This is why half of the world is scared to fall in love.
What I mean here is be scared of the people you choose to love, to stay with, to care. The decision needs to be wise, because those are a dangerous creed therefore they are scary and not the love.
Just remember the initial days when everything seemed easy, rosy, good. Those laughter, over sharing, those nights of comfort, talking about the deepest darkest secrets, the adrenaline rush, the desperation to just meet and see each other even if for five minutes, the long walks, the holding of hands, showing not so beautiful side of yours's to that one person whom you called as yours and thanked God for his/her presence in your life.
Not just this, the multiple fights you have had, disagreements, arguments, storming out of the conversations to avoid the worst, those teary nights and dreams, the insecurities, jealousy etc. but when the day came to an end you ended up together with each other. You have gracefully witnessed the journey from ‘Getting to know you phase’ to ‘Where will he/she go, he/she is mine’ Well, that is Love. Were you scared while living into all those moments as mentioned? No right, therefore, Love is not scary the person you chose and trusted to love created a delusion as love was not worth a shot!
Relationship starts to fall apart when one’s pre conceived expectations don't match with other’s, when the real situation comes and people just fail to deal with it. We all face challenges regularly be it our career choices or clashes with friends/family, financial struggles and what not! Do we just leave and turn our faces down? Or do we find solutions and alternatives to solve those circumstances with more acceptance and flexibility?
There are challenges in relationships too, why to treat it differently and exceptionally? Everyone is flawed, so what? Are you not? If we choose to give up on petty issues because their flaws don't sync with our ability to handle or comply with our selfish motives, will it be fair and justified? Yes we might give just a tiny thought to upgrade our abilities but working less upon them and in a way I feel we are running away from ourselves, because we are also not perfect either and this can be a reason for someone else to leave.
But again it also depends upon the intentions, if there are no intentions then flaws, no flaws don't matter. If they have chosen to walk out after making the promises, comforting words then who can stop? Leaving is always a sign of a weakling and an easy way out , making things work or at least a conscious dedicated effort to sustain require a strong character. Remember we cant force anyone to stay, the belongingness and worth should be equally felt, not single sided. They care, they stay without any terms and conditions applied.
Well, circling back to the main agenda, choose your right person who chooses to love you for who you are and not basis their convenience. After a couple of serious heartbreaks if I can still be hopeful and optimistic about love then you must too. One thing which is hard but needs to be considered like a universal rule— Always observe the ACTIONS, words can be vague, dynamic and unreliable source of information. ‘Actions do speak louder than Words’.
“The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love.”
— Henry Miller
